Something to Face
by mallorythewriter
Summary: I don't know how to help him. His world is crumbling right before my eyes. Everything he knows is being ripped apart at the seams and I don't know how to help him.
1. Discussion

Clare's POV  
There was nothing special about that day. I mean, in books days like that are special. Some ominous foreboding is supposed to hang in the air. You're supposed to question everything about that day because something just isn't quite right. But there was nothing like that. It was just a day. Not a happy day, not a sad day. No feeling of impending doom was haunting me. And later when I asked Eli this question; his answer was the same. He didn't just _know_ something was going to happen. He thought he'd go home and watch TV. I thought I'd do my homework and agonize in my room about whether or not to confront Jake about weed. But that didn't happen to either of us.

It was a salty day. That I remember. I don't know if you know what I mean. When I ay salty I mean it was humid day. The air was moist and the sky was pale grey. I was walking to English and bumped into Eli. "Hey," I said smiling. He leaned in and kissed me gently on the lips. I remember that kiss very well. It was soft and simple. So easy and relaxed. It was nothing special, just a kiss. But I remember it very well. Same with almost every detail of that day. It was a boring, normal day but I remember it perfectly.

After saying a quick goodbye to Eli, I went to class. "Today we'll discuss last nights reading from The Taming of the Shrew." I glanced at the book. I remember having mixed feelings about it. It annoyed me, because some guy just showed up and suddenly the girl was perfect. But on the other hand I liked it. I thought it was rather beautiful how one man could change that girl so much.

The rest of the day was very simple. An easy day. Lots of discussing. Not a lot of reading or looking, more understanding. I liked that. In art we interpreted paintings. It was boring to most of the kids but I loved the way everyone saw everything differently. "No one is the same, so no one thinks the same." My teacher stated. I grinned.

When it was time to go home I met Eli at his locker like I always did. He kissed me again, still gentle and soft and easy. And we started to walk home. We were about halfway to my house when I spoke up. "I loved art today." He smiled. "I thought you hated art?" "I do. But today we didn't have to do anything, we just looked at paintings." "Sounds pretty boring to me." "It was just cool. To see how differently everyone reacted." He nodded. "Makes sense." I leaned closer to him, looping my arm around his back .

We were silent for awhile after that. Not akward silent, though. Peaceful silent. Until his phone rang. I didn't think much of it. I just kept walking, staring at the pale grey city. Then, suddenly, he froze. I stopped and faced him. He was so pale. So, so pale. I couldn't read his expression though. So I waited. Anxiety gurgling in my gut. He lowered the phone, shakily. "What's wrong?" I asked nervously. "I-it's my dad." I swear to god that was the first time I'd ever heard Eli refer to Bullfrog as "_my dad_".


	2. Adjustment

Clare's POV

I never did like hospitals. I know it's a total cliché, but they just gave me the creeps, especially back then. They were too... sterile. They seemed to try very hard to cover up messes. But I knew better. Hospitals are very messy places. I spent some time in that same hospital when my sister cut herself. One of the worst moments I can remember happened in a hospital; I broke up with Eli. He was a wreck and he seemed so far gone. And, at the time, no one knew he was bipolar. He just seemed broken and I was far too young and innocent to be the one to fix him.

"Oh, Eli." A shaky voice whispered. It was Eli's mother. A woman I admired greatly. She was very, very strong. But at the moment it did not seem so. Her skin was pale, her eyes rimmed red. Eli didn't say anything. I don't think he could. "Um, the doctors, they um," She choked up, tears spilling over her eyes.

It was the strangest feeling to be there. It was like watching a movie. I was there, seeing and watching everything that was happening but I wasn't involved. I was on the outside looking in, so to speak. But I didn't want to be a part of it. I didn't even want to be watching. "Mom," Eli spoke up. He sounded surprisingly forceful. But I could tell he was fighting back tears. "What happened? All I know is there was an accident." It was obvious it was all he had not to cry. I wished he would though. Cece sighed, tears and snot pouring down her face. "I'm sorry baby boy. I know I'm supposed to be the strong one." His lip quivered. "What happened?" He asked again. "He was in a car accident." She whispered, sounding utterly defeated.

A doctor beckoned Cece over to him, leaving me alone with Eli. I opened my mouth but no sound came out. I had no idea what to say. It's easy to watch, but how does one girl help to lift that burden? "Eli... I..." _At least I tried? _

Eli's POV  
Have you ever felt like you weren't meant to be ok? Like the universe is just pissed at you. Well, let me tell you something. I was even more pissed. I was anxious, terrified and depression was welling up in my chest, but above all I was pissed. I was pissed at my dad for getting in a god damn car accident. I was pissed at Clare for looking at me with all that pity. I was pissed at my mom for being so weak. And I was pissed at myself for all the anger. It was none of their faults. It wasn't in their control. Nothing was anyone's control. I had no control over anything, especially not all the anger.

"Eli, I'm sure everything will be ok." Clare whispered. Her eyes trained on the ground. I scoffed. "Really?" My tone was cruel and harsher than I intended. She flinched. "I'm sorry." Clare replied, quiet as a mouse. "No, I am." I sighed, wiping my hand across my forehead. "And you're right."

Clare's POV  
I remember wondering why he wasn't crying. If it were me I'd be sobbing. In fact it wasn't me and I was still forcing back tears.

What happened next is, for some reason I can't understand, the blurriest part of the day. I don't remember what the doctor said exactly. Something about a bleed or unexpected trauma I really don't know. All I know is that it ended with, "I'm very sorry for your loss."

One Month Later

Clare's POV  
I think one of the hardest things in life is adjustment. And so far, Eli was not adjusting. He was stuck in the time he had a father. It was like everyday he was waiting for Bullfrog to come home, somewhere deep down anyway. Not to mention Cece, who was completely withdrawn. She was holding up but Eli and I both knew she was falling apart inside. And there was me. I can't claim I was in nearly as much pain and Eli and Cece, but it was hard. I missed Bullfrog a lot, my grades were slipping and I was never at my own house. "You should just move in." My mother would say sarcastically, glaring at me. My own family life was less than perfect back then.

My relationship with Eli was both at its best and worst. We were close, as I said I spent most of my time at his house anyway. But we barely spoke to each other. But maybe that's what you need when you're broken. Someone to be broken with. That sounded dumb but I think it makes sense.

We were on our way home from school when he said it. "I miss my dad, Clare." It was somewhat of a breakthrough. He'd kept everything bottled up, which terrified me. "I know." I replied softly under my breath. And that was that. We didn't talk about it much for a while.

In fact it was almost three weeks later he brought it up again. "I'm worried about my mom." "You should just worry about you." "I guess." Then it was silent. But not the peaceful silence we used to enjoy. It was painful silence. The kind that took your hurt and magnified it just by being there. And at that point I was wearing thin. Between consoling Eli, worrying about him and getting into screaming matches with my mom, I was exhausted. And I couldn't take the painful silence anymore. "Are you ok?"

It was utterly absurd to ask. But I didn't regret it. Not at all. He looked up from his homework, which we were working on together. "I don't know." "Well, are we ok?" Selfish. Selfish, selfish, selfish. "Aren't we?" "I think so. But, I just feel like, we don't talk. And I just want to help you, really. You're scaring me." I didn't mean for the words to come out. They were selfish and cruel. I half expected him to yell at me. But he just sighed and whispered, "I'm sorry." My heart literally broke. "I didn't mean it like that."

That was what it took for us to crack. That one exchange and tears were escaping our eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm just worried about you." I sobbed. Eli stood and walked to his bed, where I was sitting. He sat beside me and pulled me close, wrapping his arms around me and holding on for dear life. "I know. I'm worried too." "Why?" "I don't want to lose you too." I whimpered. "Eli, you'll never lose me. I promise."


End file.
